I decided to take action. I am off to take a walk at the beach. I am taking my music, and will be listening to the song I am posting. I need to feel the sun, and to allow my eyes to take in all the beauty that the ocean offers. I will then dance where no one can see me.
Depression is awful, but I am going to try and pull myself out of it.
The song I can only imagine usually uplifts my spirit and mood. Hopefully it will today. :)
"I Can Only Imagine by: MercyMe"
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Posted by Tracy at 10:59 AM
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Posted by Tracy at 8:00 AM
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Thank you everyone for all the sweet words of encouragement. I was and am very touched. I have improved in some areas regarding my health issues. My bleeding has stopped I am very happy to say. I am sure it was because of all the many prayers being sent me way.
The issues with Fibromyalgia I am still struggling with. I have struggled with the problem now for about 15 years now. I have had years where the fibromyalgia was so awful that I could not get out of bed, and years where it really was not a problem at all. This year seems to be somewhere in the middle. I still get out of bed, and move about and do things, but it has limited how much I do. I am dealing with an never ending headache, as well as pain that seems to have taken over all my muscles.
I have read every article I can get my hands on regarding Fibromyalgia as well as talked with doctors and others that deal with the same issues. I have changed my diet, exercised, done all the slow movements that have been assured would help the pain, only to find that the best thing I can do is just be patient and allow it to eventually pass.
Stress will trigger Fibro, and I have been through a lot of stress this year. I think the number one thing I am dealing with besides the pain is the depression that has accompanies Fibro. I know I am depressed. I have been slowly fighting the depression off, but it has caught up with me.
It always amazes me when depression strikes, because I try so very hard not to allow it to happen. I have been depressed now for several weeks. I am trying to pull myself out of it. The upcoming of spring should help. Moving into our new house should also help. I think part of my depression is that I rarely see my husband, because he is so busy working, and trying to get our house finished. He went off for three weeks to Alaska for his work, which did not help any. That slowed down the process of getting things done on our house. I know there is nothing he can do about being away so much, He has no real choice in the matter. I am finding though that It really has contributed to my depression.
I guess depression is stress in itself, and maybe that is why my fibro has hit me so hard. It has not helped me any that my fibro has affected the muscles in my throat. Most days it hurts to talk, so it has also taken away contact with my friends. I have not been able to stay on the phone very long because it really hurts for me to talk. So I feel isolated. That is not helping at all.
I am very depressed. I am hoping it passes soon.
On a side note: My gallery showing went well. It was very exciting. I was a nervous wreck but that was to be expected. My paintings will be displayed for one month at this gallery showing.
Thank you again to everyone who has prayed for me, and for all the wonderful words of encouragement. Thank you to those who wanted me to email them in hopes of helping me. I am very touched. Thank you to those who prayed, and asked others to pray for me. Prayer is strong medicine. Thank you to those who have understood about all I am going through and have not pushed me to talk. Thank you to those who have loved me enough to give me space, and not taken my absence personally. Thank you everyone for all the encouragement.
Posted by Tracy at 5:43 AM
Monday, February 12, 2007
I have not wanted to talk to much about my health issues of late. Mainly because talking about my health issues does nothing but worry others. I was told today though by a friend that people care, and that not sharing only worries others more. So here goes, although I am going to just give facts.
My fibromyalgia has been rearing its ugly head. The pain and swelling has been awful. I am having some pretty nasty headaches.
My bleeding disorder has also decided to show itself. My stomach is bleeding as well as my throat. It's been bad, but I have seen it worse in past years.
I have not felt like doing anything other then relax, sleep and do things that take my mind off my health issues. I have been doing things that bring me joy.
I do not like blogging when I am hurting. I feel like all I do is complain when I am in pain. Nothing can be done to help ease these problems other then what I am already doing. This is why I have not been on blogger much. I try and sit down to write, only to find I can only think about what is hurting me. So i write nothing. Blogger is not the only thing I have decided to ignore. I have not been calling anyone, mainly for the same reasons I have not been blogging. I know my friends would tell me that this is silly. I will call my friends soon. Promise.
I can go to the hospital but am choosing not to go. My reasons are simply because the doctors can not and do not help me. In fact they tend to make me worse. So I am hanging out in my house taking care of me.
This time will pass as I told my friend. I have been through all this before and will most likely deal with all this again.
For now I am just going to relax, take care of me, and do my very best to ignore the pain.
I will blog when I have something I can think of to blog about.
Posted by Tracy at 11:27 PM
Sunday, February 11, 2007
I am up early taking care of my new puppy Lily. She just fell asleep on my lap and I am afraid of moving her for fear she will wake up and be wide awake. Lily has brought me a lot of joy since getting her. She however has turned my world upside down. :)
I have been sitting here surfing blogs and came across one blog that was about how online words have changed the way we as a world now communicate. They then ended their blog with a MeMe of words they now use.
This blog made me think. WE all use words that define us as being uniquely "ME".
I know personally speaking that I will see a word and think of a friend in real life or a friend here on the Internet. What I have found interesting is how being online has added words to my everyday life. Many of these words I never used up until I got online.
If I was told five years ago I would be saying some of the words I now use, I would have looked at you like you were crazy insane.
What words have you used since you started talking online?
Here are some of the words I have added to my world. ( are they really words?) Nope, but I think that most everyone will know what they mean.
Some words I use only when I am online. While others I use every day. I have made up a list for both.
Words that I use when I am only on line.
1. brb (be right back)
2. lol (lots of laughter)
3. blog (this journal I am writing in)
4. hmmmm (do I need to explain)
5. hb (hurry back)
6. OMGOSH ( oh my gosh)
7. rofl (rolling on floor laughing)
8. Woot! ( kinda like a cheer)
9 wb (welcome back)
10. yw (your welcome)
11. Pfft ( poof they are gone)
12. :) ( a sign for a smiley face)
Here are some words that I say say both online, and off.
4. whatcha thinkin
5. blessings my friend.
Posted by Tracy at 7:00 AM
Friday, February 9, 2007
I am feeling very frustrated today. I have been working on a painting with out much luck. I feel my angles are all wrong, and I am drawing a complete blank on what my next move should be.
I have to finish this painting before next weekend. I am not sure that is happening. At this very moment I want to just put it aside and start a new one. Laughing, because I wont let myself. It will call to me until I finish it.
For now though I am going to wash out my paint brushes, put my paints away, and allowing myself to breath and think.
Tomorrow is another day.
Posted by Tracy at 1:28 PM
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Whatever our hands touch -
We leave fingerprints!
On walls, on furniture
On doorknobs, dishes, books.
There's no escape.
As we touch we leave our identity.
Wherever I go today
Help me leave heartprints!
Heartprints of compassion
Of understanding and love.
Heartprints of kindness
And genuine concern.
May my heart touch a lonely neighbor
Or a runaway daughter
Or an anxious mother
Or perhaps an aged grandfather.
Send me out today
To leave heartprints.
And if someone should say,
"I felt your touch,"
May they also sense the love
that is deep within my heart.
Posted by Tracy at 6:35 AM
Monday, February 5, 2007
In Memory of my Mother who passed away 10 years ago yesterday.
Posted by Tracy at 6:30 PM
Posted by Tracy at 7:27 AM
Friday, February 2, 2007
Things have been rather crazy insane in Mysti land of late. I have been training my puppy Lily. ( she still is keeping me up most nights.) I am dealing with teens who are determined to drive me nuts. I am dealing with fibromyalgia that has become pretty bad. ( I wont go into how bad its been, just know that it is about as bad as it gets. ) I am getting ready for my gallery showing. I have to put prices on all my works. (I tend to under price my work.) I am feeling rather overwhelmed.
Oh yeah did I mention to anyone that I decided to go back to school and get a degree? I want to learn how to design web pages. In order to do that, I have to get my GED. (I married my first husband instead of finishing my last year of high school. Dumb move is all I can say.) I did take some college classes when my boys were little, but other then that I have not had any schooling for about 14 years!
I signed up for an online class that will help prepare me for the GED. I have taken several practice tests and have passed. Math is giving me a headache. I hated Math when I was young, and am finding I still hate math. I do not see that changing anytime soon. I would much rather paint! lol . In order to get a degree in Web design I must do this first though. So be it.... grumbles and sighs, I will get my GED (General Education Diploma).
So that is what I have been doing. I am sorry I have taken so long in writing in my blog. I will try to be better at posting. Well at least I shall try and post once a week!
I am feeling rather bad, because I have not kept in contact with any of my friends at all. I have promised to call a couple close friends, and honestly I have not felt well enough to do so. I would probably make no sense anyway. No one wants to listen to someone who is crying, or moaning and complaining. So instead I have stayed silent. This period in my life shall pass. When? Hopefully really soon! To those I promised to call, know I will when I am feeling better.
I hope you all have a blessed day.
Posted by Tracy at 11:17 AM