Thursday, December 27, 2007

Change is in the air........

As i looked back at my other posts i realized i have now officially been blogging for two years.

December 21st two years ago i posted for the very first time. It is funny actually the post i chose this year on my blog that day was the B*tch song. I am Laughing because that is exactly how i am still feeling right now. Must be something in the air....

I look back at my two years of blogging and I can see how i have changed. The first year of posting was really needed in expressing my past, and all the pain i had gone through. I also had so many days of dealing with my fibromyalgia.

I felt i made some great blogger friends. I needed the support and encouragement of those friends. I also became stronger, I spoke out against people whom i felt were playing games, and even after speaking out, I survived. :)

This second year of blogging i have been less vocal. I lost some relationships, I learned that they were not friends at all, only illusions. Unhealthy ones. When i stepped back from some i could breath again, and i found again i survived it. I stood up for my beliefs, I did not back down, and i still survived. :)

I stopped blogging mostly because I became tired of exposing myself to some who wanted to use my thoughts against me, but I also found I had no real need to blog. I was ok with this.

This past year has been a time for looking with in myself with out the need of showing others that person. I learned to trust my own instincts regarding people. I learned that it was ok to let others go if they added sickness to my life. I am healthier for it. There are times when i still get fooled, and see illusions where I thought reality existed. It still makes me angry at times when I see games being played, but i learned how to stop the insanity. It is easier to pin point games and illusions whether it is from people i have met here online or off.

So now year number three is here. I am at a cross roads again. I find i do want to blog, but not like i have been. My last two blogs have been ones where i had to think carefully of what I wanted to say or show others. I held back many times in my writing because i did not want my thoughts and ideas to be attacked. Therefore not allowing who i am fully as a person to be shown.

I think a blog should be a creative release of feelings and thoughts. It should be an outlet for the person who is blogging. I want this third year to be a blog about all sides of Mysti, whether it is a nice side of me or not. I want it to be an outlet for my thoughts and ideas, one for my pain, my happiness, my hopes and my dreams. If i want to post all about Christ I should be able to do so with out wondering if that side of me will be trashed. If i want to rage and show how very human i am inside even if it is an ugly side of me i should be able to do so. I am a diverse lady if truth be told, one with many different sides.

I have finally come to the conclusion if what i write offends others, or upsets those who read my blog, I really do not care.

It is my blog, my life, and those who have a problem with it? To bad, you should just get over it........

I am not ashamed of who i am. So i am going to let loose all sides of me.

As the song goes by Meredith Brooks:
"I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one".

You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing

So Cheers!
Heres looking at a new year!

May it be one full of surprises and blessings for not only those who read my blog but for me!



'Tart said...

Bravo! Seems very healthy to me.

MYSTI said...

Thank you My friend!


krystyna said...

Hi Mysti!

I wish You A Happy, Lovely, Healthy and Successful 2008 New Year!

wolfbaby said...

you should really do what makes you happy that is what matters

happy blog b-day:)

keepers said...

we agree, it is your blog and you are the author, no one else. our JM keeps telling us not to worry what others think, it is not our purpose, the blog is to share what we see, have done, etc. it is impossible to please veryone anyway so just please yourself!

peace and blessings


MYSTI said...

Thank you Krys, I hope your year is such also!

Thank you Wolfbaby! I also agree with you. This year my blog will be one showing all sides of who i am.

Keepers ty. There is no way to please everyone, so you are right, if we are happy within ourselves first and foremost then what others think really do not matter.