Thursday, March 19, 2009

I am back

(picture taken by my husband)

Hi Everyone. I know it has been a long time since I have posted. There have been a few reasons i haven't. I have been very stressed to be honest.

My husband went out of town for six weeks due to work. I have a very hard time when he leaves. I actually had a lot of anxiety attacks, and every time i sat down to explain what was going on in my life no words would come, or i would feel even more anxiety.
I have been this way for as long as i can remember. I just do not deal well with being left alone. I am told through therapy that it is because I feel abandoned. I have huge abandonment issues. My head tells me one thing that I am fine, he has not left "me" and he will return. When something else deep down inside of me says it is untrue, something bad will happen and he is never going to return. It is very illogical i know this, but non the less it is what i go through each and every time.

Those of you who have followed my blog for a very long time know that this is a very hard thing for me to overcome. I became sick during the time he was away, probably because of the stress i was feeling. Now that my husband is home I am feeling better, but still dealing with fibro issues.

While my husband was gone my youngest son started having seizures. (I found this out yesterday when my husband and i took my son to the emergency room. My son never told me so i thought he was just messing around when i heard a thump! He would yell that he was just messing around. grrrr. He said he did not tell me because he did not want to worry me!) However he could by with that for long. The other night my son actually passed out in front of my husband and I! He went into a seizure. His eyes were wide open, and his head was shaking somewhat, and he looked liked he was trying to talk, but could not. It scared the living daylights out of us!

When he came out of the seizure, he had no real memory other then he felt like he was going to faint right before he did. The doctors told us that he needs to go to a neurologist. We set up an appt. and now we play the waiting game... My son is ok, and dealing with this very well it seems. He however is upset that the doctor told him he can not ride horses until we figure out all that is going on. He loves horses.

An update on my Twin, since i know several of you are also wondering how she is. My twin has had a very busy life! She became a cna (certified nursing assistant) during this time! I am so proud of her. However she to has had a hard couple of months. She has been very sick. She has struggled through pneumonia and just now found out her thyroid levels are very high! She has been losing so much weight. So she is now being sent to get more testing done. She should know more after she goes through more testing.

Through all that sickness she became a cna anyway! Yayyy Stacy! I am so very proud of her!!! This was a huge accomplishment!

My hubby and I celebrated our 18th anniversary yesterday! Even though we spent much of the day in the hospital with our youngest son I feel rather blessed that at least we are dealing with this situation together, and I am not all alone, because i would have freaked i think. I love my husband so very much and am proud that we have shared 18 wonderful years together.

Thank you to all who check out my blog every day. Thank you for caring and not giving up on my blog.

I hope you all have a blessed day!


Mike Golch said...

Tracy,as you know I go thru the same thing as your son.I know what he is dealing with the memory loss of the seizure is something that he will just have to live with.
On a positive note,I'm glad that you are back blogging again.I'm glad that you and your hubby are celebrating 18 years as wife and husband.Celestine and I Celebrated our 29th on March the first.
I'm glad for Stacy and getting her CNA rating.
I did post a prayer request for your son.
I hope that you have a blessed day today.Hugs my friend.Mike G.said that!(it's an A.A.thing of mine)

'Tart said...

Dear Tracy,
I'm glad that you are back and feeling better. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I hope (and I will pray) that everything will be okay for him. You have been through so much and so has Stacy. You're right - good for her to get her cna through all the sickness. You're both amazing people.

Wanda's Wings said...

I'm sorry to hear about your son. i am glad to see you are back. You are missed. I'm glad you are feeling better now that your husband is back. Hugs.

Denise said...

Good to see you back...... I have been out for almost 3 weeks now..Mom and Dad both in the hospital with Pneumonia and I also had pneumonia so we have been down and out....... glad you are better and I will hop over and see how your sis is...... I will pray for you two gals.....

sorry about your son..... those are hard things...... I will put him in my prayer journal...... God is able......

Awake In Rochester said...

WELCOME BACK! It's good to hear from you. I'll pray for you and your family. I bet it will be a relief to you when your husband retires and stays home.

From one CNA to another... WAY TO GO STACY!

wolfbaby said...

wow im sorry things have been so stressful for you... hope your son is ok and he gets a good doc!

Mary said...

Welcome back Tracy, sorry to hear about your son, but I;m sure he will receive the best of care. Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby.
Glad Stacey got her CNA that is great. I've been absent from my blog also, have been dealing with severe depression, so not doing too well. Glad your feeling better..take care,hugs Mary

Tracy said...

Thank you everyone for your comments! I truly appreciate them. I will slowly be making my rounds to your sites soon! Hugs

S'onnie said...

so sorry to hear about your being unwell and feeling such anxiety and about your son. You rand your family are in my thoughts

Mimi said...

I am praying for your son...and also for your anxiety attacks...that can be very difficult to deal with...

Hope said...

Hi hun....seems like everyone I know ( me included)is going through an onslaught of personal trials, glad to see you back though,
hugs and wam thoughts are sent your ways...

Tamara (TC) said...


I am so sorry to hear about your son's seizures. I cannot imagine how frightening that must be to witness. Also sorry that you haven't been feeling well. I used to really HATE it when my hubby was out of town. I think I am beyond that now but now he never leaves. Life is so funny with the whole timing thing! LOL

I apologize for disappearing for so long myself. I think I have pulled myself, my head and my life back together enough to not disappear for such a long time again. Fingers crossed!


Just Be Real said...

Tracy, sorry about your son having seizures. Glad your husband is back. What a beautiful painting, Heart of Life. Thank you so much for sharing your talent!