Painting by: Tracy Jo
"Shades of my spirit and soul"



I normally do not paint in an abstract fashion. Most of the time I have a hard time painting abstract because it pushes my creativity in ways that are very uncomfortable for me. However I was compelled to do so today.

A person wrote me saying that they would like to see me paint my past. They wanted me to paint the feelings i had felt, because they felt these paintings might be some of my best work.

My past has a lot of pain in it. Lots of anger, times of danger, feelings of sorrow, and feelings of a deep pain that is very hard to explain to others.

I would say my past is very colorful.

I have been afraid to paint my past because I do not want to be pulled back into a depression that was so dark, so full of turmoil and deep felt pain. It has taken me years to heal, and I was afraid that if I allowed myself to paint that time of my life that I would be pulled back into that place of darkness.

This morning while in prayer I felt God talking with me, telling me that yes i have felt lots of pain, but through all that pain God had been keeping his eye on me. He has sat with me, wrapped his arms around me, and kept me from being pulled down roads that only evil prevailed. Evil did try, but God brought me through that time of deep felt pain and anger. He showed me the light that surrounded the darkness. He also showed me lots of color.... Colors of not only my soul, but of my spirit. He showed me a picture in my mind of such beauty, that not putting it on canvas was truly not an option. So picking up my brush, I started painting the colors and shades of my soul. Colors of not only my past, but of the here and now.

Those colors from my soul combined with my spirit, has become who I am as a person today. I stood back and was in true awe, I saw not only my soul, but the entire me!

As I looked at this painting of color I saw two women, one young and one older right there in the colors. I decided to slightly outline them. There is a woman in the color green, a young girl almost. She is praying if you look closely.

The one on the right hand side was more obvious and was in the red, a woman who actually looks calm and at peace while in that color. Red is a color that represents anger, deep hurt, and pain. It is a danger color. Yet the woman looks very calm. I almost thought i should change her. I could not though because I believe she is calm and peaceful because God was shinning light down into my soul while I was in that awful time in my life.

I sat mesmerized because i was looking at my soul.

I hope you enjoy seeing it also. I am trying to decide if it is done before I sign the painting....

Please feel free to comment. I love to hear what others see and feel while looking at my work. The input is very helpful.

Blessings

I have five paintings in my mind. I need to lock myself away for a few days in my studio to get these creations out of my soul. If they are any good I will share! Wanted everyone to know that I am still around and doing ok.

Hugs, and blessings.

Will blog more when I am able.

This is what I see outside my bedroom window when we wake up in the morning! I have one of the best views in the area i think!

If you haven't checked out my painting site lately, please do. I have added a guest book where people can now comment on my works. I also added my latest painting Luminous Night.

Spiritual Brush Strokes Paintings by: Tracy Jo

I hope you all have a blessed weekend.

I have been pretty bad at posting anything personal of late here on my blog. This is mainly because i was detoxing lead out of my system once again, and this time around it had made me pretty sick. I felt i had nothing positive to share, and all i really wanted to do was disappear and not talk about how bad i was feeling.

I am finally done with the major detoxing part of the program! yayyyyy. So now i will be doing a very light detox program in order to try and keep toxins from rebuilding in my body.


The moment i stopped the major detox i have gotten busy painting. I am working on a series of three painting's this time around. I want to paint a continued woodland snow scene as a practice run for the huge woodland scene i am planning for my great room.

I am having so much fun painting this series. I am so excited about them. So far i love how they are turning out. The picture i posted is just the start of my work on these paintings. I still have so much to add on it. It will have some greenery, and in the background i will add some bushes, as well as near the trees I plan on painting a fox sitting or playing among the trees. I will then move on to the second painting and third where i will continue on with the same kind of trees, and theme, and hopefully add a deer, and a owl. The last step will be making the paintings appear as if it is actually snowing.

I could not take a good picture of the painting because once again i took it with my phone cam, so it does not show how soft or how real the trees look. (Maybe i need to ask for a camera for Christmas? laughs)

When looking at the painting in person one actually gets a sense of not only peace, but happiness. I believe that this set of three paintings i am doing will be some of my best work.

Other then painting, I found out this week that my general doctor in this area went out of business with out telling me! I found this out the hard way when i reordered some medicine i have been taking for 15 years and the pharmacist denied the order! I called the doctors office and found out i now have a new doctor who does not prescribe the med i need! This new doctor also does not do something as basic as clean ears! She denied me treatment! I was in shock. All i could think of is are you a doctor????? lol I have never heard of such a thing! Sooooo now i am looking for a new doctor. I am will most likely have to look hours and hours away, because in my area there are no doctors that treat fibro, lead poisoning or specialize in my bleeding disorder. What upsets me most is i that this new doctor i just went to was more then willing to take a chance with my health and make me go cold turkey of the med i was taking for 15 years. I finally looked her straight in the eye and said to her i can understand you not wanting to prescribe this med for me, but....... are you willing to let me go through major withdrawals??? Are you willing to have me call you while i am going through these major withdrawals????? What do you recommend me doing to deal with the withdrawals? She finally gave in and said fine I will prescribe you one month of the med. So I have one month to find a doctor! In the mean time i am cutting back slowly on my medicine just in case i can not get in to see a doctor in time.

The one good thing that came out of this visit to the doctors office is that i saw a huge sign advertising a new YMCA in my area! They are going to start water aerobics class three days a week, starting next Monday! I have decided to join the class. This is the one form of exercise that has been recommended for me to do since being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. This is the first time i have seen a class offered in my area! My area is very rural. I need to lose weight so badly, and i am hoping this class will help get rid of the pounds, or at least help my health problems some! I am very determined to lose this weight. In fact i am so determined that on the top right side of my blog i put a widget that shares how i am doing with losing the amount i need to lose to be considered healthy! It was a huge step for me because i do not like others seeing just how much i need to lose! I am hoping that talking about my weight here on my blog, I will get some encouragement from you my blogger friends. The class will be on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays. I am pretty excited about the class.

A little about why i have gained so much weight. My doctors have told me it is not because I eat the wrong foods, or eat to much. My eating habits are not the reason for my weight gain. I have gained weight because of the lead in my body has messed up my thyroid and metabolism! My thyroid is way out of wack, and i do not absorb the natural chemicals my body makes in order for my metabolism to work right.

The goal for my doctors have not been about my weight, but getting the lead out of my body so my body will work normal again.

However..... I am totally frustrated at how much i now weigh! I feel so fat! I feel unattractive, and it depresses me when i look at myself in the mirror. I am hoping that by adding this exercise class, it will at least give me peace of mind that i am doing all i can to be healthy. I am hoping that it will help give me peace of mind that this weight gain is not my fault! Even though the doctors keep telling me it is not my fault, and not to worry about it so much, seeing the pounds keep adding on is frustrating me!

So i am eating right, I am following the doctors regarding my detox program and now i will be exercising consistently. I am hoping I will know deep in my heart that I am doing all the right things........Even if i do not lose.... I will know that I am doing all the right things.

That is about it that has been happening in my little world. Haha ok it is a lot!

I am now off to paint!


I hope every one has a blessed week!

I've been tagged by Awake in Rochester to do the 31 Things Meme...

Sorry it took me so long!

The Rules:Answer the questions using only one word.

Then tag four others.

1. Where is your cell phone? here
2. Your significant other? hubby
3. Your hair? Red
4. Your mother? Missed
5. Your father? California
6. Your favorite thing? Painting
7. Your dream last night? Chaos
8. Your favorite drink? Coffee
9. Your dream/goal? Happiness
10. The room you’re in? Favorite
11. Your hobby? Painting
12. Your fear? Secret
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Safe
14. What you’re not? Arrogant
15. Muffins? Yum
16. One of your wish list items? Done
17. Where you grew up? California
18. The last thing you did? Eat
19. What are you wearing? Clothes
20. Favorite gadget? Computer
21. Your pets? Lily
22. Your computer? Laptop
23. Your mood? Good
24. Missing someone? yes
25. Your car? Old
26. Something you’re not wearing? Jewelry
27. Favorite store? Michael's
28. Like someone? Lots
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Haha
31. Last time you cried? Guess


Who do i tag? Tart , Stacy, and you if you are reading this! Please let me know if you did this, would be fun to read your answers.