Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Painting by: Tracy Jo
"Shades of my spirit and soul"

I normally do not paint in an abstract fashion. Most of the time I have a hard time painting abstract because it pushes my creativity in ways that are very uncomfortable for me. However I was compelled to do so today.

A person wrote me saying that they would like to see me paint my past. They wanted me to paint the feelings i had felt, because they felt these paintings might be some of my best work.

My past has a lot of pain in it. Lots of anger, times of danger, feelings of sorrow, and feelings of a deep pain that is very hard to explain to others.

I would say my past is very colorful.

I have been afraid to paint my past because I do not want to be pulled back into a depression that was so dark, so full of turmoil and deep felt pain. It has taken me years to heal, and I was afraid that if I allowed myself to paint that time of my life that I would be pulled back into that place of darkness.

This morning while in prayer I felt God talking with me, telling me that yes i have felt lots of pain, but through all that pain God had been keeping his eye on me. He has sat with me, wrapped his arms around me, and kept me from being pulled down roads that only evil prevailed. Evil did try, but God brought me through that time of deep felt pain and anger. He showed me the light that surrounded the darkness. He also showed me lots of color.... Colors of not only my soul, but of my spirit. He showed me a picture in my mind of such beauty, that not putting it on canvas was truly not an option. So picking up my brush, I started painting the colors and shades of my soul. Colors of not only my past, but of the here and now.

Those colors from my soul combined with my spirit, has become who I am as a person today. I stood back and was in true awe, I saw not only my soul, but the entire me!

As I looked at this painting of color I saw two women, one young and one older right there in the colors. I decided to slightly outline them. There is a woman in the color green, a young girl almost. She is praying if you look closely.

The one on the right hand side was more obvious and was in the red, a woman who actually looks calm and at peace while in that color. Red is a color that represents anger, deep hurt, and pain. It is a danger color. Yet the woman looks very calm. I almost thought i should change her. I could not though because I believe she is calm and peaceful because God was shinning light down into my soul while I was in that awful time in my life.

I sat mesmerized because i was looking at my soul.

I hope you enjoy seeing it also. I am trying to decide if it is done before I sign the painting....

Please feel free to comment. I love to hear what others see and feel while looking at my work. The input is very helpful.



jumpinginpuddles said...

oh boy this is where we see things so totally differnt. we see the left as yuou with a light inbetween you and the red. The reason he lights there is to prevent you from going toward the red becasue it is danger.
We just see things wierdly :P

Tamara said...


It is wonderful! I LOVE abstract paintings and admire anyone that can do it. I am just too controlled to let my creativity go there. Good for you for allowing yourself to paint in a way that you usually are not comfortable with.

Many hugs,

Oh, I think it is done! Sign away.

Mary said...

Wow what a great painting. To be able to show your past in so many colours is just wonderful. Don't change anything in the painting, it represents everything from your past. I love it..take care love Mary xoxoxo

Raine said...

I dont "see" it that way either. I see the red as having a very unhappy expression and boiling with rage.....and pain, still bleeding so to speak or perhaps freshly burnt. I'm sorry but you asked

Tracy said...

Jumping and Raine ,

the neat thing about abstract work is that when one person looks at it they will see one thing, and when another person looks at the same person, they see something totally different. From my own experiences I have seen that people see what has happened in their own lives when looking at abstract. Abstract brings out such individual thoughts and feelings. I think that is pretty cool. Don't you? Thank you both for sharing your impressions. I truly appreciate your comments.

You sound very much like myself. I become so uncomfortable at the thought of abstract. I think it is because it is not a controlled style, but one you have to abandon anything that holds you back, and just paint. In truth when i have done abstract work i have truly enjoyed painting in that style. :)

Mary thank you for your comment I ended up singing the painting as done. It speaks to me in ways that really touch the soul. I think it is one of my favorite paintings. Mainly because it does touch me deeply when looking at it.

Thanks all four of you for taking the time and commenting on my work. Hugs, as i said before I truly appreciate it.


'Tart said...

Outstanding that you painted your soul and spirit!