Monday, March 3, 2008

Another start on a new Journey.

These thoughts are mainly for me. I know others will read this, and i am ok with that. I just want others to be aware that I am using my blog as a way of putting my thoughts down so i can look back later to see how i have grown during the next few months. My thoughts might not make a whole lot of sense to anyone but me. :)

I started a new class tonight. It is called Cleansing streams. It is a two month class, one that will be testing my comfort zone. I do not like being around to many people. I tend to become panicked and unable to think or breath.

The class is all about cleansing all those things that are holding on to the spirit. This fear i have of being around others no matter how harmless or kind they are definitely needs to be cleansed! It is a class where it draws one closer to God. I am looking forward to this class, if i can just breath............ The class ends in a three day retreat which is another huge fear for me. I will be out of my comfort zone that is for sure.

The fear i felt tonight when going to this class was immense. I wanted to turn around and call the instructor and tell her i would not be able to be there. The fear was so great i was in tears an hour before the class even began. It overwhelmed me.

I knew that once i went to the first class i would be totally committed and have to follow through right to the end. I think i can make it through the classes itself, its the retreat that has me afraid. I do not want to go so far away from home. Staying in a hotel is a huge problem! For now i am going to try and put that out of my mind. Small steps. For now its the class i need to focus on right now. The ending is not the here and now. I will have to just take it one week at a time.

This class is a positive step for me. One that if i can release these fears, it will bring me that much closer with God, and a freedom within my own spirit and soul.

When you have a relationship with Jesus, three things are used.

Your Spirit, soul, and body. In that order it should be. Your spirit is the one that allows you to be one with God. The soul next, then body. The soul and body tends to get in the way of fully being one with God. The soul is your mind, will and emotions. Your body is in the physical sense. The spirit is what is able to truly connect with God. When you do not put your spirit first, the soul and body get in the way of connecting. Your mind keeps you thinking to much, intellect tends to get in the way. Your will tends to do what man wants you to do, and your emotions can overwhelm you so much that all you can hear is fear, anger, wants, and such. Emotions can make it very hard to truly connect.

The last few years i have been out of alignment. I have been ruled by my body, (physical pain) then my soul,(emotions and wants) and lastly my spirit The true ability to connect with the Holy Spirit). I am now going to put things in alignment again.

It is a good start I think.


Raine said...

I wish you total success with this class

wolfbaby said...

It takes alot of courage to do that... your an amazing woman you know!!! Good luck with this

MYSTI said...

Awww ty Raine and Wolfbaby.