Only God really knows or understands.

(Do not listen to the song if you offend easily please.)


Today will be day number four of detoxing. I knew i would have more pain, so that is not a shock. I have struggled dealing with the pain. Mornings seem to be worse. Today trying to get out of bed my body hurt everywhere. I struggled to bend over to pick up my little lily angel.

Trying to get downstairs was a push for me. Pain starting from feet all the way up to my head. Pouring coffee caused more pain to shoot up through my hands, causing me almost to drop the pot.

Hopefully as i stretch, and work through my day the pain will lesson.

I am so tired that at times i have a hard time keeping my eyes open. When i sleep it is a feeling of being drugged. I struggle to wake up, it feels like coming out of a fog. It takes a while for me to figure out what time it is , or where exactly i am.

I think to myself why am i having to deal with all the pain? I have been dealing with pain in one form or another all my life it seems. I guess Only God knows why.

The positive side is that for about a year now i have had huge bruises on my thighs that would never go away. They are now fading since i have been on the program. This is a huge deal! It means that the program is working. I just need to stick with it and not give up. My body is working hard at getting rid of the toxins at healing itself.

The reason I posted this song today is simple really, parts of it i relate with. It also fits my mood. It shows the state of my mind today I think. This song is not for everyone. Some might be offended with some of the words, so please do not listen to it unless you are prepared.

Words to song Only God knows


Only God Knows Why
by Kid Rock

I've been sittin' here Tryin' to find myself
I get behind myself I need to rewind myself
Lookin' for the payback Listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me

And I feel like number one Yet I'm last in line
I watch my youngest son And it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills It helps to ease the pain
I made a couple of dollar bills still I feel the same

Everybody knows my name They say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me It's hard to hang out in crowds
I guess that's the price you pay To be some big shot like I am
Outstretched hands and one night stands Still I can't find love

And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around

People don't know bout the things I say and do
They don't understand about the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home
I've been gone, I've been gone far way too long

Maybe I forgot all the things I've missed
Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this
I said it too many times And I still stand firm
You get what you put in And people get what they deserve

Still I ain't seen mine No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin'
I've been walking that there line
So I think I'll keep on walking With my head held high
I'll keep moving on and only God knows why

Only God.....Only God
Only God knows why
Only God....knows....why, why, why oh only God knows why

Take me to the river eh
Wont you Take me to the river, hey hey heyeah