Saturday, June 28, 2008

Picture taken by: Mehdi Adilian

My Heart regarding my twins situation.

I have struggled coming up with the right words for a post regarding my twin and her situation.

All week I have been praying and trying not to worry about what is going on with my nephew. There have been times in the week where my heart has broken because of the hurt and pain I feel regarding this situation. I have been on the phone listening to my sister cry, and I have cried with her. I have wanted to drop everything and get on a plane to be with her in this time of need. I have had to stop myself from doing exactly that, and thatis very hard on me.

I have to say my twin is one strong lady. What she is dealing with is probably one of the hardest challenges a mother can face. I have seen a strength come from my twin that not only amazes me but makes me feel such pride in her. I know it is taking every ounce of strength and courage she has to stand firm in what needs to be done.

I can only imagine the battle going on with in her soul. The mother in her is rising up and wanting to protect her child, to hug him and shelter him. While the other part of her knows she can not. She has to stand firm and do what she knows will save his life. This is taking every ounce of energy she has. It is draining her I am sure.

I am extremely protective of my twin, and tend to go into a quiet place when she is in pain and hurting, no words have come to me here in blog land. Instead I have kept myself busy in my own life tending to things that need to be done, and keeping my worry as low as possible.

I have been changing a lot of bad habits in my life. One of those habits is trying to fix situations that I have no power to fix and or have any control over. I have to stop trying to save the world, and allow God to do so instead.

I have learned the hard way that everything in life needs to be handed over to the Lord.

Prayer is a powerful tool, and I have been shown that it is more important then I could ever imagine. Its been a hard but valuable lesson for me. Part of why i am always so sick is because instead of doing what I should have been doing all my life ("praying and allowing God to work his miracles, and love" ) I have instead stressed and worried over things beyond my ability and control.

My twin did give me permission to write up what is happening in her life with her son.

I have been praying about how much i should share, and the what words I should write. The Lord has been talking with me regarding this situation. The Lord has shown me a couple of things.

First I want to say that God has been making his presence known in my life all week. Sometimes stronger then at others. I find I hear him more clearly when I am in prayer and am sitting quiet with him. So I have had to calm my soul, and allow all things i am thinking and feeling to be removed and simply sit with God and listen.

He has shown my that he is with Stacy. He has also shown me that he is working in her life. He is with her every step of this walk. I am to step back and allow God to be with her. Basically I need to not run to California and try and "fix" a situation beyond my control. He has shown me that my presence will actually hinder any help she might receive and I would only be in the way and be make things more stressful for my twin. She has enough stress and worry in dealing with her son.

He has also shown me that I need to pray. Prayer is what is needed. I have been shown that I am not to write in detail all that happening in her life. As much as I love her and worry about her, the Lord is showing me that I should not write to much regarding her situation. He has my nephew and sister in his hands.

What I wrote on the bottom of my post last night about my sister is all I am to write.

(On top of all this, I have been very worried about my twin sister and her son. I have a prayer request for them both.

Things have gotten worse, and she needs all the prayers we can give her. Please pray that God will open all the doors needed for my sister and her son. Please pray that God will guide her to the right people, people who can help, and keep her son safe. I do not want to go into details, because that is for my sister to write about when she is ready, but I will say that this situation is very serious, and heartbreaking for everyone involved. Please pray that she will have the strength, courage, health, love and grace needed to deal with this situation.)

I am going to practice what I have been learning, and allow God to work in her life. When my twin is able she will share what she feels God is leading her to share about her life with her son.

The picture I have added with this post pretty much says it all. God is always with you, if only one will see and allow him to be.

The picture was taken by a close friend of mine, someone who lives in an area of our world that is very harsh, and he has had to allow God to walk with him, because with out God life is very dark where he lives. He is a very talented artist, and it shows in his work that God is clearly walking with him.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and don't lean on your own understanding. In all things acknowledge him, and he shall direct your way. [Proverbs 3:5, 6]”

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)”


Jo said...

Tracy, I continue to send up prayers for Stacy and her son.
Big Hugs.

Mimi said...

I have Stacy and her son in my prayers...

Stacy for strength and knowledge as to what to say and do when the time is right...

and Her son, that God will deal with him in such a way that he will be brought to his knees and know that he needs to turn his life around and let God lead him to where he wants him to go.
and Tracy, I also pray for you in this situation for you to trust in God to take care of your sister and her son...He doesn't want you to worry about something that He can handle for you...
Love and prayers,

Mary said...

My prayers are with your sister and her family, and with you also..Mary

Hopefulsl said...

This is a beautiful posting you did.
I took him to the recovering program,
I have learned a lot. About 5 months ago we took our son in to be tested for Bi Polar. Needless to say, they said that wasn't the disorder he has.
He is just very depressed and very suicidal. He has been on anti depression pills (Zoloft) 200 ml grams. Started out 50 ml. to 100, to 150 and now 200 ml. grams. After seeing and talking to another doctor. He takes a good look at me and say why is he on Zoloft? He says my son is a classic Bi Polar!!! The medicine he is taking will make him more suicidal and angrier. I told the doctor that i have mentioned this to his other doctor and that i don't understand to why my son is not getting better. He just says lets increase his meds. Well i have all along knew there was more to it. The new Dr. said that he will end up dead if we continue letting him take that medicine. What a wake up call!! Now he has given me a new medicine for him to take. After seeing the Dr. we saw a Drug Abuse recovery Dr. He said that this Other Dr. is always on the money. Which made me feel better. I was told by our Sister in LA, to have him re-tested for Bi Polar. She even said that she felt he had it. Well guess what,He Does. Now I have a lot of work ahead of me to understand how to deal with Bi Polar. On top of getting him off of drugs. Maybe we will finally get somewhere . Anyway, i didn't mean to write so much. But didn't know any other way to explain it. Thanks for your support Tracy you really have been with me all the way.I love you very much. I know in my heart that things are going to get better for my son now. It will just take a little time and a lot of love and understanding on my part. I thank God for giving me Faith in believing!!! Love You, Big time hugs.....

Anonymous said...

Tracy,it breaks my heart to hear wht is going on.I wish ther is something more I could do,I will continue to do the only thing I can adn that is to keep asking God to help your sister and her son.

Big Time Hugs and God's blessing headed your way from me.
That's my story and by golly I'm sticking to it.

Tracy said...

Jo Thank you for your prayers, i truly appreciate Them.

Mimi You always have the most wonderful way about sending out calm and positive thoughts for a person. Thank you for your prayers and thank you for being such a wonderful support.

Thank you Mary. :) I appreciate the prayers.

Sis! I am so glad, and I thought so! I thought very much that he might be, but well at times who are we to question the doctors. I am glad that you found a doctor who truly looked at the full picture.

Mike :) ty so much, your support and prayers have been and continue to be such a blessing

Hugs and blesssings

Denise said...

What is not important that we know the details, because God already knows the details..... Your obedience to Him will bring fruit in your life and in the life of your sister...... there are sisters in Christ that are praying as you ask and prayer knows no distance or details..... We will talk to the Father God and He will hear and He will anwer..... That is the confidence that we have in Him....

You stand when all else fails, you stand in that gap for your sister and her son ..... and we will pray

Love ya!

Tracy said...

Thank you Denise. You are exactly right. :) God knows what my nephew needs, and with trust, prayer, and faith, he is going to get the help he needs. I am so relieved that a doctor has told my sister that he is on the wrong meds, and needs to be on a treatment plan for bipolar. My sister has a lot of hard work in front of her in learning what that is going to take.

Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement, and support. Hugs, love and many blessings sent your way!

keepers said...

we will keep you, your sister and her son in our hearts and prayers. Sending safe abd gentle hugs to all also.


Tracy said...

Thank you Keepers. :) Hugs back attcha.

Mary said...

tracy: I am so happy to hear that they have the proper diagnoses for your son. Now you can start the recovery, I know its been a long road, and it still will be, but now he can get the proper help, and meds, and you can cope better knowing...My prayers will always be with you..take care....hugss Mary

'Tart said...

Dear Tracy,
This is a powerful post. Your image, your words and God's word's at the bottom. I prayed for your sister immediately after reading it, and this post helped me inwards to release some of my anxiety to the Lord - how powerful!:)

To Stacy,
I read your comment and I was only made aware today about your son's new, and what looks like, correct diagnosis. All I could think was 'Halleleuya!' this is something that has been needed all along. It's the first step in getting help, as you must know, is even Knowing what the heck you are getting help for! I will come to your blog and comment more to you. God bless you, Strong lady, you are both two beautiful twins.

Tracy said...

Mary thank you. I appreciate your prayers and support. Hugssss


Thank you. You know how I feel about prayer, and faith. I am glad that it was expressed well here. Thank you for your prayers, and for you help in this situation. I am also glad that this experience i have shared has eased your own anxiety. Lord works in such awesome ways!

Hugs and love ya my friend.